a thankful heart...

i'm just really thankful tonight... 48 hours ago, i had a night of disrupted sleep- very on edge with worry and anxiety over these strange stomach pains on the left side that bobby's been having. i couldn't stop crying. he'd been having them for about a week and made the decision tuesday night, to call the on call doctor wednesday morning. i knew it was bad. so tuesday night, i began to listen to voices telling me that he probably had stomach cancer or maybe even pancreatic cancer and i know how bad those two types of cancer are. i started thinking about life without him and i just couldn't handle it. i kept trying to tell myself over the voices- "jenna, stop it. you don't do this. you don't jump to the worst." but the worst was where i was. i fell asleep crying and woke up and cried in the shower. i got to work and cried while sitting in the circle for our weekly staff devotional. i talked to my sister-in-law, nikki, and cried some more. everyone i talked to about it, i cried. i managed to make it through my staff meeting and i'm fully convinced it was because susy, katherine, and nikki were praying for me.
so bobby was at the doctor and thankfully, the doctor he saw listened to him and chose to run tests and not wait around. a urinalysis and a blood draw and an order to head down to la jolla for a cat scan. i met up with him in the parking lot of scripps encinitas and we drove down together.
checked in and got him gowned up and drinking down the barium chloride. lovely. four hours later- the cat scan came back clear. thank you Jesus. so what is it? we don't know. we have a hunch it may have something to do with the unusual amount of nuts we've been consuming on yogurt in the mornings and in salads... or perhaps a viral infection that seems to be going around. we'll see.
so i'm thankful tonight because bobby is ok. he's going to be here to see august turn 1, Lord willing. he's going to continue to walk life beside me. i'm thankful because our daughter has both of her parents basking in her beauty. i've been thinking about the saints that live life in hospitals at the bedside of ill parents, spouses, children, babies, friends... and i'm so very thankful that we've been mercifully spared thus far. and i'm asking God tonight to comfort those men and women... and to help me to bring comfort when and where i can.